Halfpints Point: Fight Owens Fight??


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Screen Shot 2015-06-04 at 1.05.59 PMHalfpint Stands defiantly before a Podium. A crowd before him is cheering aloud “FIGHT OWENS FIGHT” and “KILL OWENS KILL”. They all carry signs bearing the same message as the twitter feeds that pop in to his head Sherlock Style. He looks down and closes his eyes as he searches for the words to say. He touches the microphone giving a quick sound check and goes on to say the following

For all you Wrestling/WRASSLIN fans that state Kevin Owens is the best in the world, I Respectfully disagree. The Crowd looks shocked and proceeds to toss vegetables, chairs, and babies at him. OI now if you will all just give me a moment to explain myself maybe you’ll all understand my view and I’ll lead us in the proper chant for you guys.

Kevin Steen/Owens had success in ROH and the Independent circuit like many other Pro Wrestlers out there. I’ve yet to see anything that makes him special. He looks like the Bully in High School who just had to beat me up. When you asked him why he said that’s the way the World works and beats you up again stealing your lunch, homework, and whatever else he wanted to take from you. His promos have the same rough idea. To El Generico “I’ll kick your ass cause I’m the best”, to Jim Cornette “I’ll kick ass cause I’m the best” To John Cena “DUMBASS I’LL KICK YOUR ASS  CAUSE I’VE BEEN IN THIS BUSINESS LONGER THAN YOU”.  TRUTH is they both started out at the same time, but that’s not the point.

He’s one of those that believes he’s a Wrestling Genius and thinks he’s worthy of a WWE Contract. You know like every single one of you guys reading this post (well 95%) Why does he deserve this shot anyway? Yea he can sell out 200 seat arenas but Rob Conway can do that. How about the former NWA World Champion, or Jeremiah Plunkett, or Shawn Shultz? At least with the previous three I’ve seen them in action.  They can impress me to make me think they’re more deserving than a bigger guy who reminds me of the bully in High School who claims they can kick my ass cause they’re better than me. Again I go back to my central point. What makes him so special?

Don’t get me started on the fact that most of you think he HAS to beat John Cena is hilarious. Its like Beating John Cena is a rare feat. Seriously if he beats John Cena he’ll be on a rare list. Along with Edge, Great Khali, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Randy Orton, Triple H, John Bradshaw Layfeld, Shawn Michaels, Batista, Sheamus, Wade Barrett, The Miz, GOD CM PUNK, Alberto Del Rio, Johnny Ace, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Brock Lesnar, Russev, and last but not least Flex Kavana.

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I remember once upon a time it took years AFTER joining WWE for people to get their shot at the top. It took Austin and Rock 3 years, Punk 5 years, Bryan 6 years, Hell it even took the COO over 4 YEARS to get to the top spot. Not everyone gets it at once. So Internet fans calm down and just be glad you can see him on Free TV instead of downloading him from Pirate Bay inside your Mom’s Basement.

I’m Halfpint and That’s my Point

Halfpint opens his eyes to find that he has yet to speak to the crowd. It was all in his head Then all of a sudden a flash happens before his eyes and the crowd turns around to see a screen and projected on it the Owens vs Cena match from Sunday’s Elimination Chamber. 

I’ll let this match play out and after that tell you why Owens won’t make it in WWE.

Kevin and John both make their entrances and Halfpints chuckles as Owens is booed when he shows off his NXT title. While Cena gets something he hasn’t had in a while CHEERS. The match starts out a little slow with a Fight Owens Fight chant going on. Owens goes on the offensive getting the early momentum. Jerry Lawler brags about being in the ring with Owens (really hmm go figure). Cena of course does his yeah you beat me up but I’ll come back. Better known as rinse and repeat. Owens wears him down again. As he does he starts to impress Halfpint. Owens acts like a heel and is proud of it. He wears down Cena some more. Cena tries to come back and Owens gives him a Modified Fallaway slam for his trouble. WOW RUNNING CANNONBALL never seen my bully do that. Cena starts to make his mandatory Hulk Up moment. Wow he counters an AA with a Pop Up Powerbomb (seriously need to come up with a better name) two count. They both start to fight on the top rope. WOW LEAPING FROM THE SECOND ROPE TO THE TOP FOR A MOONSAULT. MISSES CENA HITS THE AA FOR A TWO COUNT. . . wow that was kinda cool. Hell it woke the fans up. They proceed to slug it out. CHRIS MICHAELS SUPERKICK BY BIG GUY. Owens goes for You Can’t see me gets an STFU for his troubles. OWENS HITS AN AA (Punk never did that) TWO COUNT. Wow Cena goes for both a Top Rope DDT And the Top Rope Standing Leg Drop. Cena goes for the AA WOW MODIFIED POWERBOMB both men kicking out at two. They are taking each other to the limit but both STILL can’t stay down for a three count. Owens and Cena slug it out. Cena hits his crappy springboard Stunner (can Steve Austin say Gimmick infringement). They go back up to the Top Rope Cena goes for the SuperPlex WAS THAT AN AA FROM THE TOP ROPE.?? TWO COUNT OWENS HITS A SWANTON/SENTON TWO COUNT. Cena Clotheslines Owens and flips over better than Ziggler (Did I really just think that?) POP UP POWERBOMB THREE COUNT OWENS DID IT. THAT WAS F*CKING AWESOME. The projector shuts off and the crowd turns to Halfpint who indeed has something to say. 


The Crowd responded KILL OWENS KILL 

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